5 Ways to Monday

Dear Monday,

Every week we go through this. I’m in my bed, asleep, minding my own business. And then the alarm rings at six something in the morning and here you go. If I even dare to hit the snooze more than once you sic the dog on me to start barking or tearing shit up like the cute little troublemaker he is.  (See photo below).

Guilty Dog

You’re good! You have this way of showing up every single week at the same time, ready to ruin my week before it has more than officially begun.  And here’s the kicker; even when I have Monday off, you show up on a Tuesday  — late and obnoxious, just like  that uncle who always wants to fix a plate at the barbeque after everything is already put away. The only one who dislikes you more than I do is this guy….


It’s only taken me 30 years, but I think I’m learning how to deal with you.  So there are going to be some changes around here.  From now on I am going to:

  1. Enter Monday with a tangible game plan. If I know what the hell I have to/want to get done, maybe I can plow through it and barely notice that it’s Monday at all. (Hah, plow through it.  That’s what she said.)
  2. Be a little less allergic to work. It turns out I’m not in college anymore and I actually enjoy many of the projects I am undertaking. Maybe the thought of being productive doesn’t have to be so dreadful in and of itself.
  3. Avoid morning people as much as possible. Ok maybe this one is somewhat antisocial, but until I’ve had enough tea to wash the loathing down, Monday is easier to take away from people who already have their Wednesday energy.
  4. Turn Monday into Funday after work. Granted, fun for me is watching WWE Monday Night Raw. But just the thought of another exciting episode of grown men in underwear pretend beating the crap out of each other can help me endure even the Mondayest of days.
  5. Use a personal day if all else fails. Sometimes, you just have to take a timeout to recharge the battery to avoid killing someone or running naked through the streets.  Thankfully, my job is such that I do have some flex days to play with.  If that’s not a possibility, I suggest showing up to work and promptly coughing all over everyone’s morning scones and muttering incoherently about pink eye medicine and weirdly colored phlegm.  You’ll be home enduring Monday by yourself in no time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of trying not to have a Monday.



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