It is our human nature to need to belong to something awesome (and to specifically exclude at least half of the population from that awesome thing). We almost can’t help ourselves — Democrat or Republican, chocolate or vanilla, Marvel or DC Comics, Edward or Jacob, etc., etc….
In reality though, there is only one group to which we may belong that really defines who we are as human beings. With the smell of love in the air, it is important that we ask, are you TEAM VALENTINE’S DAY or TEAM FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY?
Not sure? Let us consider:
- Does the thought of Valentine’s Day fill your heart with warmth and butterflies, or does it clench your butt up in a knot at the thought of all the implications of the day?
- When you recall your most memorable V-Day, do you see a romantic Lobster meal on the coast of Mexico, or do you see an awkward dinner where the waiter tries to explain what foie gras is in between you and your sig.O crying your way through a breakup?*
- For you single people — are you going to use the night as an excuse to let loose and enjoy your freedom, or will you pound that bottle of Key Lime flavored Mad Dog 20/20 and cry the lonely blues?
- Is the day another reason in a long and indistinguishable chain of reasons to tell that lucky person that you love him/her, or is it a begrudged checking off of the I-have-to-say-I-love-you-on-today-and-your-birthday/anniversary list?
*hypothetically speaking of course….
It is important to be honest about your VD loyalties, so that those of us on the opposite team can stay the hell away from you. Personally I have grown to be a proud member of Team FVD. I think the holiday reeks of corporate soul-sucking, product placement-inspired, emotional manipulation. That’s not to say that I haven’t had and will continue to have great times with great people on this day; but I refuse to believe that any specific day (outside of my birthday of course) should hold such obligation and pressure to prove one’s love in some specific and Facebook-likable way. So, humbly, keep the sweet tarts and the chocolates and the teddy bears (and the teddies) away from me. In return I will do my part and not greet you on Thursday with a festive “FUCK VALENTINE’S DAY!”
Where do you stand?