What are you doing New Year’s Eve?

I almost always fail at New Year’s Eve.

In each of last few years I’ve set out to have a grand New Year’s Eve party or plan and something always happens.  Usually that something is I fall asleep around new-years-eve10:30 like a lame ass after growing increasingly frustrated that everything costs a fortune on NYE.  I mean, there’s even a two drink minimum at the gas station.  While the rest of the world is rockin’ out with Ryan Seacrest and watching balls drop I usually resign myself to a simple, quiet night of boredom.

New Year’s celebrations are some of the most misguided and backwards expressions of our culture.  Every year, most of us set out with a list of goals in our heads, resolutions for how we’re going to improve.  Read more, lose weight, change jobs, change partners, find a partner, finish school, get on stage, stop drinking before noon, find a hobby, loosen up, tighten up, etc., etc. etc.  We have all these productive intentions and then begin the year in an alcoholic haze.  Nothing says, “This year is going to be my year” quite like being doubled over the middle stall in your local dive bar after having paid $45 for all you can drink vodka-flavored water.

But this year I resolve to stay up past midnight and toast in 2014.  I’m going to join the rest of the world and party like it’s…2014ish.  Granted, I resolve to do this from my living room and to keep Ryan Seacrest far away from my TV screen.  (I’d prefer as douche-free an evening as possible).

I know there is nothing special intrinsically about January 1.  There isn’t a magical sense of renewal that sweeps the land.  The New Year’s Baby will not bestow

New Year's baby or creepy little man in Huggies?
New Year’s baby or creepy little man in Huggies?

magical reserves of fortitude and will upon you from his diaper.  If you have to start your resolution on a specific day, I can almost already guarantee that it will fail.  I believe we should constantly be working toward making ourselves better and then cutting ourselves some slack if we don’t reach specific goals for some reason.  But since it’s just another day, we might as well drink it away!

So here’s to you 2013.  You were a fantastic year for me.  I got married, moved to a nice spot in LA, and made some good progress on my personal goals.  I didn’t get fired or seriously injured.  I avoided the police all year which, most brothers know, is more than half the battle sometimes. I also bought a sweet propane grill, so really I’m #winning on all fronts.  For one last time, I’ll raise my glass and celebrate through the night.

I should probably take a nap now though or I’ll never make it.

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