I want to be as focused as my dog is when he has his tennis ball.
I want to be as uninhibited as that guy on the dance floor with no rhythm and no idea that everyone is trying to get away from him (you know who you are).
I want to be as adventurous as those people who chase hurricanes through the Bible Belt in O.J. Simpson-style Broncos wearing 1970s rock t-shirts.
I want to be as relentless as those skaters in the park who fall on their asses over and over (and over and over and over and over) again, but get up and eventually land the trick.
I want to be as determined as Charlie Brown to kick that football irrespective of how many bitches like Lucy might try to hold me back.
I want to be as relevant as a Kardashian in her own mind.
I want to be as highly polished as Madonna’s grill.
I want to be as entertaining as Candy Crush, but slightly less annoying and with slightly fewer invitations to engage with me.
I want to be as awesome as The Miz in 2011 when he beat John Cena and we all thought the world was going to change, but it didn’t and that’s why only 3% of you even get that reference.
I want to be as everlasting as the Gobstopper, or -seemingly – the 15 minutes of Rihanna, or that taste in your mouth when you wake up after having not brushed your teeth because those cookies were too good as you couldn’t bear to taint the flavor with fluoride.
Basically, I want to be ridiculous.